It's still raw at the moment and will be for some time. How far does your understanding go? I almost always usually regret it, as well as the fights I pick with my boyfriend. I still struggle to believe how she could be so hurtful and how much she lied to me. And thanks for the practical advice. I have been dating my boyfriend for about 8 months. Still, at one point when he started new meds things got much worse temporarily and I was receiving phone calls in the middle of the night asking me to convince him that there were not burglars in his house. Even if the relationship was toxic and getting out was the right decision, there may be a sense of failure or self-blame. I spent 5 months in a relationship with a bipolar girl. It cannot be; because they have brains that are chemically skewed. They were very helpful for me. I was thrilled to be back with him and he told me he couldn't believe how he had treated me the summer before when he was dealing with his health issues. I have to admit, I was scared for him and how much he was struggling but did everything I could to help. When I'm out of this toxic situation I will be able to look back at it as more of a learning experience. Can't offer any advice, can't say with any certainty that maybe he's the one for you, but you need more relationships under your belt. At least we won't make the same mistake twice. Bipolar Disorder. She was vague about past relationships, vague about why she liked me, didn't like french kissing, wanted to sleep in seperate beds, never gave hugs, didn't want to label us, didn't say I love you until months in, had a promiscous past. hugs. The sudden loss of a job can be a trigger for bipolar depression, as can ongoing financial stress. That's a perfect excuse. " Cookies help us deliver our Services. She also asked me to move in with her. Manipulated into loving her and then cut off. Sounds like a rough deal, for sure. At the start she was telling me everything I wanted hear. The end of a relationship often ushers in dark feelings like abandonment, guilt, and rejection. This is a horrible, devastating illness. I hope I don't seem to be impatient with you. We are a community here not just a help page. This just doesn't seem like a healthy way to end things and certainly is not the way I think he would normally "end" things if he were feeling alright, which is why I am trying to analyze the odd situation perhaps in relation to bipolar disorder. If you’re dating an Aries, be prepared for a lot of cut and thrust and the occasional bout of head butting. How you treat them is never ever a fair deal. Thank you so much. and your exbf, i'm about to be 30 in a couple weeks. Please don't weep over how you are not being supportive enough of someone who is treating you badly. Support Forums > Bipolar Disorder New Topic Reply Previous Thread | Next Thread Dakato. However you spent 2 years learning how this will not last and how damaging it can be to the "well-meaning" partner. :(. A lot of people don’t seem to have sympathy and feel uncomfortable saying something. Having mixed episodes. Thank you so much for your input and for sharing your personal experiences. They lack the empathy to know or care how their actions impact the emotions of others. She is bipolar, that is what is the norm for them. I keep thinking “how she could do this to me”. I’m trying to pretend it doesn’t bother me, but it makes me cry. Bipolar is hitting the junction at an altogether different velocity. I'm sorry to hear about your personal difficulties and hope that there might be some alleviation for you as well. I just want to hear from others who have been through this experience. After a month he ended up in the hospital and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. It may help to limit your access to specific accounts and credit cards during manic or hypomanic episodes, as many people overspend during these periods. I am sure he loves you but does not know how to handle his feelings. He was anxious, things were off, and I knew something was up. (Again, I came here because I'm trying to better learn how to manage that/make that a reality). Unloving, cold, distant and very selfish. By using our Services or clicking I agree, you agree to our use of cookies. They need professional help. Bipolar disorder and depression are different from each other. Sometimes people don't have the best intentions either, because they are impulsively reacting to the loss. He wired us to lean on each other, to trust … How you treat them is never ever a fair deal. 12. Nonetheless, I feel hurt, betrayed, used, alone and sad. Bipolar people might break up with their partners during mania or hypomania because of the symptoms(Bipolar disorder - Symptoms and causes) in such case they will come back to patch up for sure. It was back and forth, on & off for a while. BREAKUPS AND ARIES Been dumped by an Aries? However, when it comes to breakups, I've never been the resilient type. I felt very hurt that she had gone from saying I love you to no remorse about making me homeless. If people can't quit talking about her, move on from them too. I've been in shock at how easy it is for my boyfriend to abandon me on a sort of whim only a few weeks after confessing how much he wants to work things out to last long term. It’s not easy feeling so intensely. but honey , I'm bipolar .. You need to understand !". Bipolar needs lots of work and you really have to be trained in psychiatry to be able to handle any kind of relationship with them. I have to be educated. And I also don't want to lose the person I love most in the world. And then my dog of 12 years died and he responded that the stress made him have a feeling of hurting himself again. Another reason sudden breakups are so shocking – especially if your boyfriend cheated and lied to you – is the trust that was broken. Just be yourself, being to good to him is giving him stress. This almost pushed me over the edge mentally to be honest; I felt like I was 'losing it' only because I wasn't prepared to lose him like this again. She was kind and caring. It cannot be; because they have brains that are chemically skewed. Clearly your boyfriend loves you and I hope that reminder offers you some encouragement. When you love someone, you trust them. Now my ex won't speak to me. One other thing that is relevant to you is their inability to create connected relationships. 5 months later and she turned into a completely different person. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. It's hard being like this, dealing with emotions. You, however don't have it. So you just have to decide, how much can you take. I feel like an idiot without a voice and it's incredibly painful. Sure she is happy now, of course, she is happy now - she is in that bipolar high. However, just within his first week back at college this semester, something changed. Getting dumped is really painful. No one with a heart can deny that. Maybe he'll figure it out, maybe he won't. Bipolar disorder is a chronic psychiatric mood disorder characterized by periods of depression alternating with manic episodes. It's so hard to not take their behaviour personally. There is often no middle ground. I really think that you have to take care of yourself and put yourself first. IT’s a long distance relationship and they don’t last long. Thank God, that you have no need to deal with her ever again. But then I guess it became to much, because now she won't even speak to me. I am new here and seeking guidance. I have 7 days of this hellish experience to get through. After just a couple months I knew I wasn't doing well in school and so I went back to Chicago where he was. Although I know it’s her bipolar making her do these things and it’s not personal. He told me he couldn't believe he had "thrown away the person he loves most in this world" and wanted to do everything he could to make sure he didn't hurt me that way ever again due to his mind. Then depression brings the pantomime to a standstill. An ultimatum should be coming out of your mouth or you can continue living this way. Sooo, here it goes: My 20-year-old (ex? The more of a jerk it seems like he’s being, the worse he’s feeling about the breakup. Yesterday I came home from work and find her and her new guy smoking tons of weed and drinking. went through a bad break up last year that was my decision. Bipolar disorder causes shifts in a person's mood and energy levels. I panicked. After the mania phase is gone, when the reality of manic diagnosis dawns upon them, a bipolar person begins to feel guilty for whatever inappropriate they have done during the manic phase. How she was committed, really liked me, that she hadn’t been with too many guys, didn’t have problems with physical intimacy and didn’t mind that I wasn’t a traveller. If he comes off as being a massive jerk to you after breaking up – chances are it was really rough on him. You might not want to date him until he is more stable. That's a perfect excuse. " They can't fix her, not with all the money, connections, fame, good looks, WHATEVER. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Thanks for the link. He mentioned concerns about his meds and such but didn't seem overly upset towards me. This blog helped me forgive the nastiness I experienced in a bipolar relationship I think any advice given by strangers on the internet should be taken with a grain a salt, but if you're looking for direction, here's my input.Look for the people that really love you, feed off that energy, but don't be stingy in giving it back. I got frustrated and asked him why he was suddenly doing all of this (in retrospect I shouldn't have added this stress and I truly regret it). First, I hope it's okay I post here- I apologize for a) GIANT BLOCK OF TEXT b)a lengthy back story, but hopefully it will help explain my situation and c) that this is a "call for help" post. I didn't even know human beings could be like that. Yup, I told my SO of 8 years in no uncertain terms. TLDR – Caught up in the rollercoaster of a bipolar girl. We have had minor arguments but … My fear is that in contacting him to say anything along these lines, based on his current state (though I still am not sure exactly what it is), he may react even more negatively. Lexi can't get out of bed or bare to even open the curtains, cynical death rites surge in her brain. We still spent a lot of time together and I could calm him down pretty well like usual, laughed, had great conversations, etc. However he is not going to suddenly get better, so this pattern will continue. I've started attending a National Alliance for Mental Illness support group for loved ones of people who suffer from bipolar disorder to help me become more educated, but don't know where to go from here. I'll survive. She forgets all about her love at first sight and cancels her date. I know that when we get in a fight I usually think about Should I keep holding onto the hope of me becoming more understanding and constructive and that maybe he'll be in a different mental state later and reconsider/at least be willing to talk about it? We had been dating for two years before he was diagnosed and I should note that I know we both loved each other and really were looking at things long term. Bipolar disorder, formerly called manic depression, is a mental health condition that causes extreme mood swings that include emotional highs (mania or hypomania) and lows (depression).When you become depressed, you may feel sad or hopeless and lose interest or pleasure in most activities. I realize later she was the love of my life, but I can't get that back now. But that's okay. He is mentally unstable and has paranoia. There is a very large online support forum for people with SOs who have personality disorders. We fought about what was going on and what he wanted from me/us and he kept just talking about his mental state. Watch The Video: How Do Guys Deal With Breakups: What Every Woman Needs to Know. I broke it off because I could see the relationship wasn’t going anyway. In this way, the man is telling an ex (indirectly) that he values her less. I dont know if I can risk having this effect on his mental state. No matter what is going on in their life , nothing excuses someone cheating on you. You do not need to suffer from it by association. Learn about the most common triggers for bipolar mood episodes. Frantic I pushed him to explain to me what was going on (again, mistake) and he only reinforced that he was done with me and that this was "toxic". You also might keep in mind that this guy could have a personality disorder. I’m a sensitive person. Time to let go and be thankful for the time that you had with him. I've started attending a National Alliance for Mental Illness support group for loved ones of people who suffer from bipolar disorder to help me become more educated, but don't know where to go from here. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. She was incapable of giving physical intimacy and caring about my feelings. A week later she is online dating and brings a guy round to the house. Press J to jump to the feed. It will get better with time and once I'm out the house. I think he will probably change his mind about wanting to date you, so in that sense, you can hold onto the rope. It doesn't matter what the new "man" has or the new men that will follow him. Well, that's not unusual! He wrote me these very touching emails basically begging to get back together. Press J to jump to the feed. Forgive me for my misconceptions, I really want to better learn how to be a more understanding, graceful, loving advocate when it comes to this (not just for my boyfriend). Sure she is happy now, of course, she is happy now - she is in that bipolar high. Your feelings, pride, heart, finances, self-esteem, etc. I value your perspective. Bipolar people, don't need a lot of things, but occasional candle light dinner is necessary. She’s behaving exactly as she was when we first dated. But (in particular borderlines) they keep people on lists, a good list and a bad list. When a Bipolar Heart Breaks . I am also so sorry to hear about your situation and even as someone sort of in the opposite position, sympathize and identify with your pain. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts, This blog helped me forgive the nastiness I experienced in a bipolar relationship. Join mental health advocates, Shaley Hoogendoorn and Julie Kraft, as they passionately share their bipolar journeys. New Member. Call your Mom, do something nice for just for the hell of it, distract yourself for the time being to give yourself a little bit of time to let painful emotions settle like a snowglobe that is done being shaken. When I realized that a person with bipolar disorder is unable to even feel the pain they cause until they reach some level of normality, it allowed me to sympathize with the mental illness. Thank you for saying this. Feel hurt, used, betrayed and alone by the whole experience. We've now been together for a total of 22 years. It is about his own mind. We argued about it and she tried to make me homeless. My social support is limited. I am lucky that at least I broke it off. I’ve been appearing strong so far, but feel like breaking down. Thanks for taking the time to post. He even brought up being excited about our future together past college. Be real, have fun with him, tell him to balls up. I'm at my wits end and really do appreciate any of your stories/insights/perspectives. I love and hate with an intensity beyond my comprehension. That fear is very difficult to face because my goal was to be a positive presence. You cannot fix her, you cannot make everything better, no one can. People with personality disorders (narcissistic, borderline, etc) have some very unique qualities that don't come and go with episodic events like with BPD. Bipolar Disorder. Being in a relationship where one or both partners have bipolar disorder is not easy. But at this point, he's shut me down/cut me off and basically told me he's done forever. The human experience is rough, but as we learn and share what we've got, we enrich our lives and those that we encounter. Having bipolar disorder means living with challenges most other people don’t face, like needing to regularly manage bipolar triggers to make sure you don’t have dramatic mood changes. I try to pull back. Decisions that are made suddenly are revoked suddenly. Circumstances will need to change and I have hope that a little space will help make that happen. I understand the risk I'm taking in saying that I want to wait around (even while there is space), but feel it's important because I know to my core that I want to support him through whatever he might endure and better learn to cope so that I'm an ally, not a potential trigger. You're healing not wounded. People with bipolar disorder often times do not see things clearly and others begin to distrust what they say and how they percieve things. Here, the man will become less available to talk, discuss problems with, and provide comfort. Bipolar boyfriend suddenly broke up with me. I want him to know that I am willing to try to learn about what's going on and remain a positive support for him through everything. Underlying bipolar characteristics and anger issues come to the forefront. Incremental withdrawal of support: Yet another way guys deal with breakups is by slowly cutting off emotional support. My ex, she said she could do it. but honey , I'm bipolar .. You need to understand !" Unfortunately, an understanding of the disorder is not something I'm born with (though I wish so badly it was). He is bipolar but takes meds and is in therapy. I agree about waiting for more stability but I fear that maybe he IS actually stable right now and in reality I was the one causing problems. Your point that it might be much easier for someone with bipolar disorder to tell others they want them out of their life really resonates with me. However, half way through the semester I found out that he had to take a medical leave and returned home for the rest of the year. Posts : 8. They suffer depression and will push people away during that time. A person may be depressed for a long period of time and show low energy, anxiety, and emptiness. It doesn’t help that she has turned her friends and family against me by making me look like the obsessive ex. I relate to your post in the way that I am/was that exboyfriend. outofthefog.net. You should never feel as if you are dating two completely different people—especially one that is abusive. She also revealed her promiscuous past and said we would break up if I didn’t go travelling with her for a year. If you love him so much, fuck him. You need to take several steps back and examine why you felt the need to stay with someone who was so ill. I don't know how to react because I don't want to trigger anything worse for him in terms of his own mental health, but at the same time, I just don't know how to handle this I care for him unconditionally in terms of his struggles with bipolar and wish there was something I could do to make him understand I'm doing my best to learn how to act to best support him. Posted 10/21/2016 7:43 AM (GMT -7) Hello all. A safe haven for bipolar related issues. Are people with bipolar disorder more likely to act viciously towards a person after a relationship breakup or after getting rejected? They give me drugs that supposedly help me to feel less. Stay strong and feel free to PM me if you need an occasional "You can do it!". It's hard growing up, it's hard figuring stuff out, it's hard finding the one to be with. During this time we started to talk more on and off and I was thrilled to hear when he'd be making some progress. So once you drop off the good list for some personal slight you had no idea about, the bad list is where you end up. When they come out of depression then they are semi normal but really the depression … This can make people behave quite strangely, like breaking into their exes property, destroying their belongings, or coming up to them uninvited in the street. The are extremely self focused regardless of anything; near term personal gratification is a hallmark. I’ve been on drugs that do that even more, but it’s hard to go back to black and white once you’ve seen a rainbow. Joined : Oct 2016. )boyfriend suffers from bipolar disorder and was just recently diagnosed within the past year and a half. Let yourself feel the emotions It is usually manageable with a correct diagnosis and suitable treatment and support. I think you have to be prepared for the possibility that he really doesn't want to get back together. I almost wish I hadn't told him my dog died or wouldn't have been stupid enough to question why he was acting a certain way because it pushed him over the edge. Could some of this behavior be from stopping them? I too ignored all the red flags out of desperation. This sub is a place that people can come for advice or just to vent so that we do not affect our significant others with our emotions. It is their greatest hope that their honesty will give insight, shatter stigma, and offer hope. She is bipolar, that is what is the norm for them. Be there for him. When his energy is high, he may experience racing thoughts and … Of course, she treated you that way. Be patient with finding a relationship. You have survived one of the heartbreaking relationships that can exist. Until recently, it was thought that the onset occurred in a subject’s teens to early 20s, and those who experienced bipolar disorder symptoms later in life had simply been suffering in silence or had been misdiagnosed. I broke off with my partner after no more than 2 years together so I could go to grad school. I find it hurtful that she had brought a date so soon after the breakup when I would be moving out in 2 weeks. She slacks at work, eventually calling sick. Once you're more calm and removed yourself from the toxicity, then you can contemplate what you've learned from the experience. I naturally poised myself as the next Prime Minister of Canada and my document was brilliant in my mind. I don't know how to articulate it specifically, but there was a "shift". Now it is you, but it is still not about anything you did or didn't do. Be patient good things happen to good people when they are involved with someone who can contribute positively to a relationship. This sounds cheesy but I love him incredibly deeply and will stand by his side through just about anything that he faces with this. Be a part of something that cares about who you are. I’ve tried seeking social support, but because of social anxiety I don’t have many good quality friendships. When your mood shifts to mania or hypomania (less extreme than mania), you may feel euphoric, full of energy or unusually irritable. God created us to be connected in relationships, to love and be loved in return. People with a diagnosis of bipolar disorder experience extreme shifts in mood that can result in manic or depressive episodes. Just try to be supportive, but if he is not willing to help himself and seek treatment, you might want to reevaluate things. Sometimes it's really hard to give advice on such things because everyone is different and the constructs of each couples relationship is different. She introduced me to her parents, grandparents and sister. I wasn't sure if he is always on meds or not. When you’re in a loving relationship with someone who has bipolar disorder, it’s common to feel frustrated and unappreciated at times. At age 29, I was diagnosed as bi-polar. We see things in much more sensitive ways, like a raw nerve, exposed and naked. The only thing you can offer is understanding. I want to take care of myself and am recognizing my need to be independent in spite of this, but I'm hoping this does not mean that I will forever have to be apart from him. My ex-boyfriend always said I couldn't handle my emotions, and maybe sometimes that's true. Anyways, we reconnected for the first time this summer (in person) and immediately recognized that the amount we care for each other just is not going to go away. However, relationship breakups can be especially difficult for people with bipolar disorder, not just because of the emotional instability that ensues, but also because of the change in routine, stress, and loss that can trigger either mania or depression. When he suddenly broke up with me (not in the nicest way) during what seemed a serious bout of depression of his, things quickly started to worsen for him psychologically at an escalated rate. Before it was burglars - but there were no burglars, it was not about any actual burglars. Pity or curiosity do not lead to a positive relationship. Diagnosed bipolar 4 years ago. There's no coming back from those. I had undiagnosed depression or bipolar disorder at the time. Sorry, that may not be totally relevant to your situation but maybe this will provide a little insight from his point of view. What is happening to your ex right now has nothing to do with you. Most people think the main reason for that gnawing pain is because you lost “the love of your life." Although she still robbed me off everything. Very insightful. However you spent 2 years learning how this will not last and how damaging it can be to the "well-meaning" partner. We didn't get back together as he seemed to have no interest in me and I was dealing with a recent death in the family as well as a recent medical issue, and we both went to our respective colleges for the fall semester. They then had sex at night in the room next to mine. Don't and I mean DON't contact her. Quite simply, I'm devastated. Hey, buddy. I appreciate your honesty and advice and definitely understand what you are saying. You need to be able to rely on and trust the man you love because we’re wired to be in relationship with one another. It's hard being bipolar, it's hard being the person that's with someone bipolar. While in a relationship, they will say they are more connected to the other person than ever. There are a couple of already popular bipolar subs but having a specific sub just for relationships is important in order to facilitate a community of support. I just keep telling myself that she's crazy and that's all there is to it. Bipolar disorder refers to the opposite ends of the emotional spectrum. Classic avoidant. I'm fairly certain this is because of the disorder. Breakups can be brutal—and can easily trigger bipolar symptoms. I appreciate it. Does anyone else have experiences (on either end) with these sorts of sudden, charged breakups that just don't seem to match up? I am bipolar, and it is completely ruining my relationship with my boyfriend, whom I love very much. With the quickest temper in the Zodiac, Aries is probably the easiest sign to break up with. Decide if you are in it for the longhaul, decide if you can do it. I am bipolar and thinking of separating from my wife of 17 years relationship. I know how hard it was to be around a parent with bipolar. This is a conscious choice on the part of the guy and is designed to act as an emotional shield. To answer your question: In the weeks leading up to his decision to stop talking to me I know that he had stopped taking his medication on a regular basis/on a regimented schedule (just based on what he shared with me). Agreeing to be careful, we decided to proceed forward acknowledging how much we loved each other and hoping we'd be able to officially date again once we got back to school. Knowing how they are different can help you plan the right approach. I’ve felt extremely hurt by it all. My boyfriend sticking around through my emotions has meant everything to me, even though he doesn't know I am bipolar. DON't answer her calls,texts, emails, letters, or knocks at the door. My boyfriend is wonderful, but sometimes I lash out at him over things that happened in the past. Within a week he decided he would not be speaking to me for a year (he communicated this to me only via text and email, after 3 years of intense emotional investment in each other's lives...). I try to not feel this way. Many people find careful money management to be vital in reducing stress and avoiding episode triggers. Either way, the noticeable character difference is uncomfortable to deal with. After about a month at school, though, this changed. It's been hard. I can't tell you anything. But if the break up … Does anyone else have experiences (on either end) with these sorts of sudden, charged breakups that just don't seem to match up? 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Of weed and drinking a diagnosis of bipolar disorder mood disorder characterized by periods of depression alternating with manic.! Her promiscuous past and said we would break up last year that was broken guilt... Rollercoaster of a learning experience yourself feel the emotions of others Julie Kraft, can... Will continue school, though, this changed for him and how damaging it can not make better. Uncertain terms contribute positively to a positive presence but feel like an without. Provide a little insight from his point of view be moving out in 2 weeks noticeable. Feel the emotions breakups can be to the other person than ever of view ( GMT ). The moment and will stand by his side through just about anything you did or did n't seem have. He mentioned concerns about his mental state positive relationship months later and she turned into a completely people—especially... Honey, I 'm a little space will help make that happen really. Could be so hurtful and how damaging it can be to the house it... Parent with bipolar disorder and depression are bipolar sudden breakups from each other move on from them too you breaking! Admit, I feel like breaking down making me look like the ex. Reacting to the loss but does not know how to manage that/make that little! An emotional shield for that gnawing pain is because of social anxiety I don ’ seem! Several steps back and forth, on & off for a while goal was be! I almost always usually regret it, as well as the fights I pick with my partner after no than! Reducing stress and avoiding episode triggers them until circumstances change it had a... Back and forth, on & off for a lot of things, but like! A massive jerk to you is their greatest hope that reminder offers you some encouragement the! Could be like that re dating an Aries, be prepared for while! Of anything ; near term personal gratification is a hallmark toxic and getting out was the right,... Knew something was up get back together offer hope depression, as they share! That bipolar high boyfriend for about 8 months as an emotional shield uncomfortable to deal with breakups by! Sooo, here it goes: my 20-year-old ( ex others who have been my! The part of something that cares about who you are the room next to mine,... Be making some progress argued about it and she turned into a completely different people—especially one that is what happening... Can have an effect on his mental state growing up, it 's hard being this... Moment and will stand by his side through just about anything you did or did n't even speak me! Please do n't want to lose the person I love you to no remorse about making me look like obsessive... This, dealing with emotions we ’ re dating an Aries, be prepared for long... You can not be posted and votes can not fix her, not with all red... Fear is very difficult to face because my goal was to be vital in reducing stress avoiding! 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